Spiritual Battle (is real)

It was yet another restless night last night. I had so much on my mind, whether they were scenes I have constructed through my imagination from a book I was reading, or because I was doubtful. Maybe it was both. Besides, hearing Caleb falling into his sister's bed at 6:02 this morning didn't exactly help, either.

Many of you know, I have been excited, really excited about shooting a (wedding) this summer. The truth was, I still am, but with more knowledge attained these past few weeks, I began to have doubts. Doubts about the quality of my work. Although I knew, from the bottom of my heart, most likely I would be able to a decent job; decent was not what I was aiming for, however. My pride pushed me to aim for grand, extraordinary, amazing, and exceptional. In other words, I want to be so good that I may have a potential future to do the same thing.

Then I came across many truly talented, truly gifted individuals. This discovery had slowly becoming a dark force rooting in my head. I began to discredit the work I have yet to begin--and wondered why in the world did I even say "yes" in the first place. But in the midst of all this, I would hear a gentle, but faint voice, reminding me that I needed to live one day at a time. Instead of looking so far ahead, just do this step by step: grain upon grain, rock upon rock.

It is through this experience I believed that there was really such a thing called a spiritual battle. Sometimes I felt like both of my arms are being pulled to opposite directions; one to a darker side, and one trying to hang on to a light. Many times it was so much easier to succumb to that darker side--after all, it was so much easier to tell myself that I couldn't do it, rather than to believe that I actually had a potential, in a world full of amateur artists.

This morning, I was once again being tormented by that very thought. It's difficult to see that glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel, when in reality, I would be laughed at, compared to, and looked light upon. However, I knew I would have to keep my head up, keep my eyes focused to the One who gave me this once-in-a-life-time opportunity. Instead of acting upon self-pity, I should be trusting. Trusting in His goodness. And His powerful promise.

"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him I will trust. Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the perilous pestilence."

"Thank you, Jesus, for giving me this wonderful opportunity, to use this very talent that you have gifted me. Forgive me for doubting You, for believing lies, and for looking too far ahead of myself, instead of trusting You one day at a time. Grant me the serenity to walk with You, day by day, and may this opportunity open up a door for the world to see You through my work. Help me remember, that it is You whom I need to help the world see, not me. Amen."