He's almost two.

Caleb, my first baby, is going to be two in about two weeks. I can still see the hospital room, still feel the physical pain as I was healing after having him, and still remember visiting him in the NICU for the first week of his life. I remember being a mother for the first time, the excitment, as well as fear. Fearing that I would not be a good enough mother for him, fearing that he was going to be a horrible child despite how much we were involved in his life; and fearing the unknown. But he surprised us all. He was the perfect baby. He still is. He will always be my perfect baby.

The past two years have gone by in lightening speed. I can't and don't want to believe that he is going to turn two already. He is growing up so fast that I don't have time to remember everything. He is learning to speak, as we are learning his needs. Every morning he would ask for "ga-gam" (teddy bear vitamin candies.) Then he would ask for "miuk" (milk,) as well as, "yo-yo" (cereal.) Then he would go off to play with his "bok" (blocks,) and asks for his "ki-ki" (blankie.) When lunch approaches, he would order some "A-ga-ba-ga-ba-gans" (peanut butter and jelly sandwich.) When nap time comes, he would make sure I change his "dee-pu" (diaper) first, and then turn on his "toe-toe" (he has a baby Einstein turtle that plays music.) After everything is set and done, he would yell out from his little bed, "la-liu, uh MUCH" (I love you, so much!) and goes off to dream land.

He loves music. Ever since he was just a newborn, he would stop crying at the sound of music. Any kind of music, any song. As he became older, he learned to sway from left to right (on his own) each time he hears something. Now his favorite song is the Elmo song (la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la, Elmo's world...la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la, Elmo's World...). He would sing with it when he hears it, or when he doesn't hear it. Just seeing his little face lights up each time the song, the stupid song comes on means the world to me. I have to remind myself that he is not going to stay two forever. He is growing up by the second.

I don't think I will allow myself to forget this: a few days ago he bent down to his little sister when she was in her car seat. As he bent down to her he whispered to her, "la-liu, uh MUCH!" I thought I would die right there. There he was, all 36 inches tall and 30 lbs. of him, telling his sister that he loves her. So much. I really thought I could die that day and I'd be happy, because I have just witnessed the cutest act in the history of mankind.

Of course, besides being perfect 99 percent of the time, there is that 1 percent of time when he isn't perfect. Far from it, in fact. Watching him explore and act in defiance at times truely made me believe in our sinful nature. He knows how to manipulate, how to cheat, how to get away with things. At this point, both Benny and I would have to cover our laughing faces when we discipline him. It is during these times I pray, boy do I pray, that God would give us the wisdom to deal with him and his tryings.

There are so much more to remember, too much for me to capture all down in words. Caleb. He is my son, my joy, my heart. I know that he is still a baby, there are still many more years to come, many more memories to remember; I just can't and don't want to believe...he's almost two.