Cheap candies bought, or a priceless lesson learned

I will admit. Being a mother is hard. From my experience, it was difficult to walk into a classroom full of jumping children when I had to throw up every 2 hours with Caleb. It was harder when I had to keep a toddler busy and tend to my husband plus scrubbing the toilet while my energy level was at a negative 86 with Abigail. It was impossible when I had two babies crying at the same time, needing their mommy at that exact moment, when I've only had three hours' of sleep the night before. But the hardest part of being a mother is when I know I had let my child down. That felt like a knife carving through my body.

I'm sure you've learned that I was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad mom the day before yesterday. While I contributed to Caleb's growing excitement to play at the park that day, I was not prepared to see his disappointed face when I saw the playground was wet and had to inform him of this fact. In his two-year-old mind, there was nothing wrong with wet equipments. It was even better, to play in the water and at the park, all at the same time. After walking him through the whole area and explained to him in his level of understanding that it was better to go home, his genuine tears completely broke my heart.

On our way home, we had to walk pass Target. Because I felt I had let him down by promising him something he could not have, I had the sudden urge of repaying his disappointment--buying him something, anything. I knew a bag of candy would do the trick. It was a simple, small gesture, and this very act would have made both him and me satisfied.

Then suddenly I realized, he was only two years old. The truth is, at this point, he most likely has forgotten about the whole park episode. He has moved on. It was the guilt I felt led me to think buying him something would replace the unpleasant feelings he may have developed 10 minutes ago. I paused, and I prayed. Through my quick prayer I felt God was telling me that buying him candies would not be a good idea,

you see, life is full of disappointments. How many of us have grown up to adulthood and had never experienced disappointments and failures? Each time when we ride through those rough waves, were there immediate rewards? I had to look back in my life. Without those speed bumps, I would never have become who I am today. Even though Caleb is only 2, he is not too young to understand that life is not always smooth sailings. I believe it is ok to tell my child there are boys who are bigger than he is, girls who are smarter than he is, and he is not always going to have what he wants in life. Although, he will know that his father and I will always believe in him, he will not always have it all. It is not fair; life is not fair.

I'm glad I resisted buying him something to make him (or in this case, me) feel better. What is more important, some cheap candies bought, or a priceless lesson learned? I think I know.