Confessing is Hard to Do

Ok, so I have something I need to confess--and to explain. Recently on my Facebook I have written out 25 ramdom facts about myself. Those things are funny, and, well, rather random. They are things about me that not many people know of, but I don't mind sharing. All of them are true, with one in particular. I have gotten many comments/emails/messages about that one, and I am rather surprised to see that many of you are surprised. So here is my confession, and I hope this doesn't make me a heartless, self-indulgent, and egocentric person.

I have been a housewife, and a stay-at-home mom since Caleb was born. He is now 2 1/2 years old, and that makes me a 2 1/2-year veteran. Before that, I was a second grade teacher. Being a teacher was challenging, but enjoyable; besides wringing out my brain and tried to think of the most creative ways for my children to learn, satisfying their parents at the same time was almost unattainable. But I loved being in a classroom, and I loved receiving one of those "Dear Mrs. Waszaj" notes from my kids. When the day was over, and one of my kids would run up to me and gave me a hug for no particular reason, it made all the hard work worthwhile.

Before we started our family, Benny and I have agreed that I would stay home with our kids. There are so many reasons behind our decision: Childcare is too expensive these days. Staying at home allows me to grow up with them . Also, staying at home gives me the opportunity to acquaint with my children in a way that only a mother can. Most of all, staying at home was something I wished my mother did--I felt like she has missed out so much on me and my sister when we were growing up. I remember the disappointments when she chose to stay at work instead of showing up at one of my school plays; that was something I promised myself to refrain from doing once I became a mother. That was something I decided not to follow after my mother.

In many aspects, I believe, terminated the matter that I do not enjoy being a stay-at-home mom. I never had an example to follow; my mother was a career-oriented individual. I have to experiment everything on my own--from taking care of a newborn to nursing, from training them to sleep on their own to simply playing with them. Naturally, I believed my kids would just learn doing things by themselves, in their own time. The truth is just the oppisite, however. Moreover, when I hit a rough spot along the way, I couldn't just pick up the phone and call. My mother is just as clueless, if not worse, than I am. In many ways, I have surpassed her child-rearing experience.

Natrually, you would think, being a stay-at-home mom is probably one of the easiest jobs. Just think, you can sleep in until noon if you wish, you don't have to leave extra early in the morning or staying a little later after work so you miss the horrible thing called traffic. You get to watch TV and watch your children play all day--what a dream job! The truth is, no one told me I have to wake up at 6 am because one of my children may decide that it was time to wake up. No one told me I had to prepare their meals before my own, when my stomach was screaming for food. No one told me that my house would constantly look like a battle field; picking up after my kids is like shoveling in the midst of a blizzard. No one told me that I have to perfect the act of multi-tasking; cooking a home-made, nutritious meal while chasing after one of them with a wooden spoon filled with marinara sauce because he needed to be put to time-out. No one told me I had to keep a straight face when in reality, I really wanted to laugh out loud when I saw the below scenario. In the end, I envy those people who do it and actually enjoy it.


Don't get me wrong. This does not mean that I love my children any less than those who enjoy the job. I love my children with all my heart; I cry every time I browse through their baby pictures. I dread the thought of them growing up. I look at them and am so glad that they are still little. I am proud that they still need me. I thank the Lord to entrust them to me until He decides to take them away one day. I pray that I will never, ever have to see one of them buried. I can't get enough of them. You get the picture.

I have concluded, my confession shocked many of you because you never expected a stay-at-home mom would profess such declaration. It is such a noble job; not many can do it right and enjoy it. I look up to those who do enjoy it. I just know, that this is where the Lord assigned me to do at this point in life. I am blessed to be assigned to this job; I know there are so many of you out there who wish you could but can't. I know. I also know, that I will look back one day and wish that I could live this part of my life all over again. Kids grow up so fast--it will be no time before they don't need me in their lives anymore. I also dread that day to come.